It is refreshing to hear from you. When you saw Adwoa’s letter, you asked what you could also do to prepare yourself adequately for marriage and family life. I was excited about your question because it takes two well-prepared people to build a fruitful home.
I must confess that your question is quite difficult to answer compared to Adwoa’s even though it is the same question. Hmm, when it comes to marriage and family life, I think the biggest responsibility falls on the man. This is because God has made him the head of the family and if the ‘head’ is sick, there will surely be disaster in the family.
So, you need to first of all train your ‘head’. I am very happy that you have had a good education. Your certificates will pay off in your search for employment. Aside from that, the knowledge you have acquired will be useful in your daily decisions. Interestingly education has a way of sharpening one’s life. Please tell your friends who do not want to go to school because they feel it is a waste of time to do so because it will pay off for them in the future.
I am even more elated to know that you love reading. Keep reading a wide variety of materials. Your reading list far exceeds materials on marriage, relationship and parenting. It should cover materials on financial management, entrepreneurship, marketing among others. You need to be versatile. A time will come when you will need multiple sources of income. So train yourself in that regard now.
Secondly, get your hands busy. It is refreshing to know that you are hardworking. A lazy man is poison to his generation, so when you meet young men like yourself, tell them to quit ‘sleep’ and vain talk and get their hands busy in productive ventures. Do not let your education prevent you from any productive thing you can learn or do with your hands.
And for someone like you who wants to enter into full time ministry this is fundamental. Your able hands will help you earn some money for your family alongside ministry. You remember Paul’s example? He was a tent maker and did not beg for his upkeep. He enjoyed freely from the generosity of God’s people without compulsion and reproach.
Kindly tell the young Christian brothers that their desire for full time ministry does not mean they cannot do anything productive with their hands. All they need is to identify, learn and establish some productive ventures they can run alongside ministry. God’s people must not beg for bread.
Financial prudence and abundance belong to God’s children; it is high time we appropriated it. As a man the financial responsibility of your family falls on you, of course with support from your wife. You do not have to fail at this major responsibility. That is why you need to take your time to plan and lay some good foundation financially.
Yes, you do not need all the money in the world before you get married, but you need a workable plan and a regular source of income. Please note the adjectives—workable and regular. Please do not ignore this advice. Without adequate finance for your daily upkeep, your marriage can land on rocks. I always tell young men who are not ready to work not to think of marriage. This is because they will let innocent women and children suffer unnecessarily.
Also get your vision right so that the woman God blesses you with can support you in that regard. No wise lady wants to follow a man who does not know where he is heading towards. So please be very sure about that and tell your friends to do so too. Think hard, plan well, write down your goals. Where you need more direction, pray to God, but don’t live in total darkness and uncertainty in the name of faith.
I know of young men who say they want to marry spiritual ladies so that their wives will pray for them and raise their children in the way of the Lord. I always laugh when I hear this. The man is the spiritual head of the family. He is supposed to be on his feet interceding for his family like Isaac did for Rebecca. I am glad you have trained yourself to be a prayer warrior and an intercessor. When you finally get married, make sure you do not push the prayer needs of your family to your wife.
Regarding your children, purify them with the word of God together with your wife. I am glad your feet are deeply rooted in the word of God. Please teach your friends and the other young men to get the word of God into their heads and hearts. It will save them in days of adversity.
Now learn as much as you can about women. You are blessed to have sisters and to know how to relate with them. But for the sake of your friends who like to read your letter with you, let them learn how to respect women and honour them. Tell them to give up autocratic and selfish tendencies as these are not attractive to young ladies but detrimental to healthy family life.
Visionary ladies are attracted to young men who have given themselves to good personal grooming. You do not need to have too many clothes but you need to wash regularly and iron them nicely.
Some young men do not take their personal hygiene seriously. Their body odour and bad breath can cause you to faint. Tell your friends to take note of these things. I wonder why some of them do not want to shave their underarm hair and trim their nails. These are some of the reasons why the church ladies do not like dating the church guys.
Please permit me to end here because baby Nyamedea needs attention now. You will hear from me again regarding this issue. Until then, take note of these things and teach your friends to do same. Stay blessed and keep shining.
P. G. Okyere Asante